


Alone in a Crowd

by aoigensou



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-09
Updated: 2013-07-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 03:52:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aoigensou/pseuds/aoigensou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When someone is a Jaeger pilot, even when they're alone they still feel the echoes of their co-pilot's memories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone in a Crowd

After the celebrations, the praise from the world governments that had once decommissioned the Jaegers and then tried to take credit for funding them just that little bit longer; after the world began to clean up and try to remember what things had been like before the kaiju had disrupted everything; after the Shatterdome's last technician and janitor left and the lights were turned off for the last time, Herc found himself alone for the first time in a very long time. When someone is a Jaeger pilot, even when they're alone they still feel the echoes of their co-pilot's memories, of their shared time in each other's brains. He wasn't the first pilot to have lost their co-pilot, nor was he the first whose co-pilot was a close relative -- no, Raleigh had a claim on both those statuses with him -- but he couldn't even say that he'd been with him when he'd gone; he couldn't justify the survivor's guilt that seared through him every time he heard Chuck's name on the news. Pentecost had been with him in the end, because of that god-damned broken arm. And now he was alive and his son, his egotistical, hot-tempered, cocky son was dead.

And all Herc had to remember him by was a plaque and a little silver medal awarded by the U.N. for services rendered to the whole of humanity.

Raleigh tried to talk to him, once, right after things had started settling down. He thought he was being compassionate, trying to compare their experiences, but all Herc had thought at the time was how much he resented Raleigh because at least he had been drifting with his brother when he'd died, at least they'd had that connection. Herc hadn't said anything, of course, because he knew the thought was cruel to the both of them, but he'd rather have been inside his son's head and known what he was thinking and feeling when he'd died than to always be left wondering the way he was now.

Not being a Jaeger pilot any more was a mixed blessing. The threat of death by kaiju was of course a solid positive, for all of mankind. But the hollow emptiness of being alone in his own mind left him not knowing what to do with himself. The only thing Herc could do is dwell on each memory he and Chuck shared, each moment spent in the drift, each conversation he'd opted out of because of taking the drift for granted.

It was all he could do to not search for an end to his solitude at the bottom of a bottle, though the temptation was overwhelming at times. But with Pentecost gone, and himself as the highest ranking Jaeger pilot, it was up to Herc to tie up all the loose ends, and while that left him busy enough, there was still traitorous part of his mind that kept reminding him of everything he'd lost in their drive to win.

Eventually, he'd be able to sit down with Raleigh and talk to someone who might understand. But until then, he would just spend hours sitting and petting Max while staring at the case containing the medals that signified everything and absolutely nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> I am sure this has been written before, and probably by someone more skillful than me! But I recently watched Pacific Rim for the first time, and this just fell out of my brain. Thank you so much for reading.


End file.
